Archive | October 2013

A Gluten Free Halloween

It’s that time of year again when we all get ready to shove our faces with all the goodies and candies that North America has to offer.And I can’t think of a single person who doesn’t like Halloween (well I can, but thats all religion and all that). Celiacs can like Halloween too, we’re normal people. We even get our very own list of gluten-free candy. How special are we? You don’t see vegans getting a list.

photo-4 copyHope you like grainy pictures of my daughter look at the pumpkins we carved.

There was a time when Halloween to me was, Candy in the bag, candy out of the bag and into the mouth. I’m pretty sure I ate more on the hunt to get it than I did when I got home. It probably accounted for my flabby physique, and probably why I have a massive sweet tooth now as an adult. Back then not a care was given as to what I ate, now, even with my three year old daughter going on on Halloween and for sure collecting some candy I have to watch what I eat. Not because I am working on my girlish figure, but because this damn disease keeps me at bay, and keeps me from enjoying candy I once loved. No biggie really in the grand scheme of things. It’s the hand I was dealt.

Having Celiac doesn’t mean I have to avoid every major holiday, and while Halloween isn’t a major holiday, I just mean that the diet plans for every event have to be altered for a Celiac. Just don’t put Kit Kat in my trick or treat bag. Or better yet, my daughters trick or treat bag. I can’t eat those. I’ll be the one stuck eating all the candy apples or fruit candy. Blech. Just another point to being a Celiac and a father. My job is to eat the crap that the girl can’t eat, or what Mom won’t let her eat (be honest, Mom’s are in control of the diet. What Dad says she can have is totally different from Mom). Having Celiac does always have it’s ups, it’s like pity candy when my wife and I decide that kurt daughter can’t have a certain treat. It could be to sugary or nutty or chewy, too small. I dunno, there are a lot of reasons, but lo, it’s gluten free and that means Daddy get’s first dibs. It really is a sweet deal when all the Oh Henry’s are mine.

Halloween doesn’t mean that Celiac’s can’t participate in the tradition of pounding back all the chocolate disks and cocoa button you can stand, it just means that you have to more diligent in sticking your hit in the loot bag. So a few pieces of advice I want to give about Halloween and when start eating your kids Halloween candy;

1) Don’t eat it in the dark. I know you might be sad but if you’re a Celiac and need to eat the gluten-free candy, this is a terrible idea.Turn on the lights when eating Halloween candy. If you pull out one of those wafer bars instead of a peanut butter cup, that’s a one way trip to shitsville.

2) Throw out the raisins.

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3) There have never been actual reports of razor blades in candy apples, so eat those first. You can’t get razor blades in apples. i think that rumour was started by children so that they didn’t have to eat fruit for Halloween. Good effort to who spent the time to do it, but fruit? Really?

4) Have fun. Don’t feel bad because you’re eating your child’s candy, you deserve it.

5) Close up early so that all the leftover candy is for you (this is my favourite piece of advice).

Happy Halloween from Jordan Middlebrook, AKA King Gluten Free.

Celiac Pros: Eat-More Candy Bar

Funny how things work out.

I started this week with a chocolate craving, and I know what candy bars I can and can’t eat. You tend to learn these things over the course of many years dealing with Celiac Disease and being gluten-free. This time I had a funny feeling that the little chocolate covered peanuts I love weren’t gluten-free. Just a nagging sensation.

So instead of going to the store to buy them, I looked it up again online to see if in fact the process had changed and my beloved choco-nuts were out to kill me. I was lucky, this time. You have to remember that from time to time ingredients and manufacturing changes so it’s always best to consult the company with your questions about a gluten-free product. Because what was once GF might not be at the end of the week.

To my point.

I was online looking up one of my favourite snacks to see if was no longer gluten-free. Thankfully it still is, but right there, right there at the top of the list of candy bars that are gluten free; EAT-MORE. Holy Shit! I told my wife at dinner that this was the best news I had heard all day. Big news, enough to head to the store to buy one. I’ve been diagnosed with Celiac since 2008, that’s six years, so I was raring to get my hands on a bar.

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STOP!

Just like I stated in the above portion: Always check.

I had to confirm my news with the official Hersheys website, who in fact provides a nice list of foods they make that are Gluten-free. And if you haven’t guessed by now, Eat-More was not on that list. I am crushed. I am Jack’s crushed soul. Is this is a case of the internet lying? No, it’s a matter of fact checking. Which I did. I re-checked to make sure.

Sadly my Eat-Mores will be a pipe dream, and what was once a Celiac Pro has changed to a Celiac Woe, another big kick in the balls.

Dear Celiac Disease, you can just get lost.

Organic and Gluten Free

They say the body is a temple, And I am NOT the one to tell you about what to eat and how to eat it, and wether or not you need to to eat right or not. I’ve really got to worry about my three year old daughter and making sure that she eats healthy. Me, and my food choices, not so much. If you’ve been reading my blog here since I started, you know all about my poor eating habits.

I’m pretty sure I wrote this post after I got a riled up because someone asked why I wasn’t eating a particular food, even when it said Organic. And Organic meant that is was gluten-free. Boy oh boy, fired up. Then I just set into the keyboard like a bat out of hell.

The fastest rising food farming industry in North America is organic food harvesting.

Don’t fool yourself with this whole organic food thing. There are way way way different levels of organic food. Some are 100% organic and have to be certified organic from a governing body, while others use organic ingredients, which really is a nice way of saying “we didn’t use a machine to squeeze the lemons, we used our fists”.

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So why is organic food creeping its way into everything, why is it growing so fast?

I read on The Chive that being healthy is just a way to say you’re dying slower. So that’s why it’s growing, because we have become MORE aware of the affect of pesticides and growth hormones and whatever they do to our food. Attempting to be organic is just fine. Just look at all those protesters who scream NO GMO!

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Protesting doesn’t work. Especially against something as large as the food industry or even outside your nearest parliament building.

Organic does not mean it’s gluten free. You just need to remember that. It’s a common mistake when it comes to a newbie stepping into the food aisles. Going to the bulk store or health food store. Organic does not mean gluten free. Actually I would go out on a limb and say it’s far from it. Wheat wheat wheat. How much more organic can you get? It’s less pesticides and letting your chicken run free. Free range doesn’t mean open air farm, it means trapped in a cage outside, but still packed breast to breast. Shit, you can cram all you want in the free range area, they’ll still be considered free range. It’s just another sticker on the package to suck you in.

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Truth, pesticides are known to linger in the soil, I turned out fine. Really, just wash the peppers before you eat them.

What does this have to do with Celiac and Gluten free? You find Celicateers searching for the foods they can eat and they find them selves in the health food aisle looking for something that may be gluten free, but guess what? Not all gluten free food can really be considered healthy. They replace the gluten with sugar to make up the weight per package. That’s also just a broad statement, not all companies or bakeries are like that, but there is a good chance that your ‘healthy’ gluten free food is no good for you. That’s why we tell you if you don’t need to be GF, don’t be.

I’m gluten-free not by choice, I don’t want to be gluten-free at all, but because of my Celiac I have to find the food that keeps me alive and won’t make me sick. So healthy food is usually on my list of food to eat, by healthy I mean veggies, meat and fruit. But never in the proper amounts, always over doing it, always filling my maw.

Organic. Natural. Whatever.

Just eat food.

In the end, it’s all food.

A Three Year Old vs Star Wars

My first post from my Dad blogging website

Kings Can Parent

My daughter is three years old and smarter than anyone I know. hell she can manipulate both my wife and I into getting what she wants. Like an evil genius. A little evil genius, an evil little imp that can’t even ride certain rides at Disney World. So why couldn’t my daughter watch Star Wars?

When I first proposed that very question to my wife, her immediate response was NO. If you’re going to start keeping track, my wife is a Trekkie. Me, a real man, a Star Wars fan. In the very end, I would prefer my little girl to wield a bad ass laser sword than a little sissy phaser.

But why couldn’t my daughter watch Star Wars? Heroes, Princesses, space, evil bad guy… oh a scary mother named Darth Vader. I get it. No wait, my daughter has watched Lion King and Scar kills his brother. She…

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Celiac Woes: Sapporo Beer

You searched for Sapporo Beer, so you must be getting ready to drink and need someone to tell you if it’s gluten-free or not, well you’ll have to read on for that, but you know I have a ton of other awesome stuff here at kingglutenfree.com so just click HERE and find out about all the other cool shit I do. But read this Sapporo article first.

January 2011 I was still diagnosed with Celiac Disease and still struggling to find a good gluten free beer. There was one floating around in the local liquor stores, but it was terrible and it was expensive (as the years have gone by, more gluten free beers are available to me and the price is just as steep, but they fast better than that one horrid beer, the one from Quebec. If you’re reading this Quebec beer manufacturer, you’re beer was terrible).

Still, on January 2011 I met with another gentleman who had Celiac, actually, the second person I had ever met who had Celiac. We were at a function and he swore to me up and down that Sapporo Beer was gluten free. He had extensively researched it and drank it as his regular beer. There were two bonuses in this discovery for me 1) it was slightly cheaper 2) You got a little bit more beer, more beer for your buck 3) Premium Beer is not easy to come by when all you can drink is gluten free.

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Here I am, looking lovely as Buzz Lightyear for Halloween 2011. Enjoying a Sapporo

The last time I drank Sapporo Beer was in June 2012, the fatal discovery that the beer was not in fact gluten free and Jordan Middlebrook had been poisoning himself. I was going off of someone else’s knowledge and never went back to double check or re-evaluate at a later date, I just kept thinking that it was safe because I was told it was.

Mental note, I may have had another beer in September of 2012 Then found out it was not gluten free (I feel my mind is clouded with the actual time and dates)

Do I miss it? Yes. It was light and refreshing and the flavour was that, different from a lot of beers. It was Japanese and sometimes, on a good day, it made me fool important drinking a tall boy of premium beer.

What am I thinking? It isn’t really that great of a beer. All it’s pros are outweighed by the fact that it wasn’t that great.

It’s a Celiac’s Woe to miss something he used to like. In retrospect, I only liked it because I thought it was one of my only choices. It’s funny that just recently Gluten Dude posted about Corona and how they fake being gluten free. It was one of my First Celiac Woes back in March. I think it was March, no May… shit. Just go read it here by clicking CORONA BEER AND THE CELIAC WHO CAN’T DRINK IT.

Fucking Celiac getting the better of me again. Not letting me eat or drink what I want.

Make sure you head over to my Facebook page by clicking HERE

This One Time I was a Vegetarian

I have zero problems with people choosing different ways of life, different ways to go about their own daily regiments and schedules and I certainly have no issue with the way people decide to eat. Hell, you know that I have Celiac and I have to be gluten-free and there are tons of people out there that are gluten intolerant or peanut free or whatever. But I’m getting a little off topic here.

Today, I want to tell you about the time I was a vegetarian.

WOAH WOAH WOAH, have I blown your mind? If you’ve seen my Instagram you know I destroy hamburgers and grill steaks on a BBQ and flip them with my bare hands. I’m a meat eater through and through, so why was I a vegetarian? If you know anything, not necessarily about me, but about how the male mind works, you might be able to figure it out… I’ll give you a minute.

Figure it out?

A girl.

I secretly hope she reads my blogs and recognizes that this is about her, or at least relates to her in some way. Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife and wouldn’t change my little family unit for the world, but still. Hope she reads it. It wouldn’t be that hard to figure it out who she is, she was the only vegetarian I ever dated.

So, she was a vegetarian for what I can remember was because of the whole factory farming thing and animal cruelty, at least that’s what I can recall. I was in love with her, and I was willing to do things to make her happy, we were different people in a lot of ways, she liked The Ataris I liked ‘Nsync. It’s the way relationships worked. She was a Vegetarian, I was an Omnivore. For some reason I decided to become a vegetarian, it was for a girl plain an simple.

I can recall one story, when my family ordered pizza and there was ham on it. I instructed everyone that I couldn’t eat it because meat wasn’t my thing. They said, well, start telling us what you can’t eat and we’ll take it from there (I’m only paraphrasing because I don’t remember that actual conversation, I just remember it was pizza from Pizza Pizza and the year was probably 1998, ten years before I was diagnosed with Celiac).

The tide that changed it all was when I found out that I couldn’t have Jello.

To this day I’m not even sure if it’s true that gelatine is made from horse hooves, but thats what I was told and that’s why I stopped being a vegetarian, and thats why vegetarians are seem like nice people on the inside, but really, don’t turn your back on them, because if you do, they will kill you.

Because vegetarians can’t have Jello.

This Parent is Moving

This morning, almost like every morning my daughter asked me for a snack. I proceed to tell her that it’s breakfast time and she should have breakfast and not a snack. I can kind of see the wheels turning in her head and she tires to spin it for her, how can she make this go her way…. toast. She wants a piece of toast before Mommy wakes up and THEN she will have her breakfast. And of course, she’ll help me make it.

On October 15th my daughter turns 3 years old and I have blogged about her and our family/parenting exploits for a year. I started doing it when I was asked by Jen over at monalisamom.com and then when I started doing kingglutenfree.com I started putting those same blogs here, just a day earlier than Jen. It always felt weird to have a parenting blog on a website that was mainly dedicated to having Celiac Disease and being gluten free, but at the time, there was no real other option.

Until now.

kingscanparent.com will be the new home for my Dad Blogs and other parenting adventures, a new off shoot of this site and still being ‘king’ related.

So, starting October 20th, you’ll find me, still blogging about being the best Dad on the planet over at kingscanparent.com

Thank you for all your support, and I hope you can continue that same support with me over at kingscanparent.com

Jordan Middlebrook

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