Archive | May 2013

Celiac Woes: Twix Bars

I’m going to stop numbering my Celiac Woes columns, and I might just start calling them columns now instead of blogs. Why? Makes me feel like a journalist, when in fact, I’m not. I’m just a guy who cuts grass and plows snow. Like a man.

So yeah. If you’re reading regular, then you know I have mentioned Twix candy bars at least twice. there is a specific reason for that. I love them. I don’t get to eat them anymore, but that does’t mean I can’t still love them. It’s like an ex-girlfriend who I still carry a torch for. Then again, every Celiac Woe column is just like that, love letters to past foods that are chock-o-bock filled with gluten.


Chocolate cover cookies with a caramel topping. Oh damn yes. If someone close to me is eating one, I will ask to smell it. I’m that freak.

Yes there are other candy bars i can get that are gluten-free, but i want a Twix. Oh, you want to hear a Twix story? Yeah I have one:

When Batman Forever came out they were running a promotion with Twix. You could win a walk on role in the movie is you scored the correct wrapper or the wrapper with the right… I dunno, you need a wrapper. Well, of course, me being a huge Jim Carrey fan, I had to get in that movie. Plus it’s fucking Batman.

DIRECTOR – Okay Jordan you won a role in a Batman movie, but you have to play the guy way in the back where you can’t see your face and you die almost a 1/2 second into the scene.

ME – I don’t care it’s fucking Batman.

Back to my story, ahem. So one day I stopped by the local corner store and bought a whole box of Twix. That’s right, I bought a whole box and went to my buddies house around the corner and ate the whole box in one sitting. I said that, the whole box in one sitting.

That’s how much I like love twix.


Find the Perfect Gluten-Free Bakery

How many of us can say that? How many of us actually stop in at every bakery we see and just ask if they have an gluten-free products? I have. I don’t do it so much anymore. But I have done it. I’ve also found the perfect Gluten-Free Bakery. Not so bad considering I’ve only  been diagnosed with Celiac since 2008 and the GF culture has only blossomed in the last two years.

If this blog is really to make sense, you have to live close to Northern Ontario. Or live within driving distance of central Ontario. And then, as I was writing this, like right now; I remembered that there are actually TWO bakeries that are stellar and deserve recognition. But I’m only gonna talk about the one that makes the best trail mix bars or whatever they are, because I just call them the-best-fucking-thing-to-ever-hit-my-tastes-buds.

It’s a bakery located inside a small gift shop called Redman’s named Marcelle’s Kitchen. And like I said, they have these trail mix bars that are better than the regular gluten filled food. The use of cinnamon in the muffins is exquisite, and if there is one thing you have to know about me, cinnamon is my favourite spice. Just slap that on a muffin the size of my fist, and you have the greatest gluten-free muffin in the free world.

There is a scrap yard just outside the town where Marcelle’s Kitchen is, Port Perry Ontario, and every time I make a run to this place, at least twice a year, I make a point to pop by the gluten-free bakery and buy a brown paper bag of goods. Always an extra or each for the ride home (I live an hour away). The one thing about shopping at Marcelle’s Kitchen is that you will have to buy more than you might think you’ll need, because after you eat the one on the road. The one at home and the one you saved for breakfast (of any product), you’re going to want more. Trust me.


Oh you thought this was going to be a picture of one of their food stuffs? Boy where you wrong. This is me, after I ate what was on my plate with a nice cup of coffee. And if you look what’s on the screen of the laptop in the background, I’m sure that’s last weeks blog.

Keep Calm Chive On.

Celiac Woes: Damn Long Weekend

Okay, so blaming a long weekend for ZERO gluten-frre-Celiac posts might be to harsh, but it seems like that may be the ultimate culpurit. In my case anyway. I did post my parenting blog, but that’s not the whole ball of twine here. I need to be posting more about my GF shit.

So no Celiac Woes today or tomorrow. I just couldn’t get creative enough to do it. Yeah I miss Twix, but is it enought to blog about? i dunno. It’s debateable. What is something you miss? If you’re a GF person or have Celiac, lemme know what you miss and I will make a cute little blog about it. That’s more me just being lazy and getting a reader to tell me what to write, but at this point, I’ll whore myself out like that. No biggie. Next week I’ll get back into the swing of it all.

As I drop the ball here as King Gluten Free, I’m also dropping balls huge over at Project: Awesome where I do all the editing for their short films (plus I’ve done all the writing for all their short films). I’m supposed to be editing the latest short The Corcoran Contract and I was planing on having it go live on May 24th. That never happened. Again, couldn’t get into the swing of things. Maybe just TOO creative? Nah.

Okay, capped off this week with my sad tales of not being up to date. Oh look, I guess that is a Celiac Woes. I’m so gonna change the title of this blog now.

Take that creativity.

This Dad Ages Too (Dad of Ages)

Usually you will see a reblog of my parenting/dad stuff from here, but if you were reading the post before this one, I forgot to send it to her, and then I got some sickly illness that had me bedridden all day. So, no post. I decided to just post it here, straight up instead of reblogging. Enjoy.

I’m not sure, but I get the feeling that I’m getting old, and parenting might have a lot to do with it. Every day my beard has like fifteen new grey hairs in it. Madness.

This past week, I’ve come a cross a lot of parenting by others that I would like to blog about. Just what I’ve seen and how I would like to put my two cents in. This week, I won’t do that. This week, I’m going to blog about the root, the end game of some of this parenting and where it ends up and makes me and my wife feel at the end of the day.


Getting old. Things that we liked 5 years ago have become things that are more of a hassle. Not the fact of arranging around a child, but just that the dynamic has altered. Our like, wants and needs are all changed to accommodate the lifestyle we now live. Sure I would love to go drinking with the boys on a Saturday, but I shouldn’t get drunk so that I have a hang over the next day. I want to help with tending to the little one.

But getting old, or growing more in the relationship with your partner (as parents) needs more communication. Getting older and fitting fun things into your life is possible, you just have to communicate. Plan ahead. Utilize your options. Gramma and grandpa. Maybe a brother will take the little one for a few hours while you have a date night? Your relationship with your partner is just as important and the relationship with your child.

… crap, I had a good line about all of this too, then I went back and added more to the past paragraph and forgot the cool thing I wanted to type here. It was something about communication. Growing older as a family can be fun, just your choices of activity have to alter. Set examples for your children in those activities. Going out and drinking every weekend while the partner is home with the kid isn’t really a good dynamic. You’re just going to set yourself up for a fall.

That wasn’t what i was going to right, but felt good.

Family is about togetherness. Communication and love.

I didn’t post today


Here is a picture of my view today as I lay in bed. Sick. Love Jordan.


Celiac Woes: Corona Beer

I just looked at the first post I made regarding what I missed. last week, and I see that I put a question mark at the end of the title, and I was like, why did I do that? It makes no sense. I’m not asking a question.

Okay. What I miss. Celiac edition two.


I’ve liked a lot of beer in my time as a drinker. I never took my first drink until I was 18, and even then I got pretty drunk. And from then on I tasted my fair share of drinks. But when it came down to it; Corona was my drink. i loved it. I still do, i just can’t drink it. My little sitter and I liked it a lot, and it wasn’t that one thing that brought us together, it was just a beer that we both enjoyed.


Just the word makes my mouth water. It has always been my favourite beer.

Just to add to that. What I miss. Going to the beer store on a hot summer day, or the Friday before a long weekend and just buying a six pack or a 12 pack, and taking it to the cottage. Instead, I have to buy, read; always by six packs and if the liquor store is out, I can’t drink beer. Okay, to preface. In Ontario, we have the beer store and the liquor store. Guess what they sell each? But the liquor store is the only place to get my six packs of gluten-free beer. Pain. In. The. Ass.

Damn you Celiac. DAMN YOU!

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